Why career change is so hard - especially after 40?
Let's be clear from the start…it's not just career change that is hard….ALL change is hard.
Change comes at us whether we want it or not, doesn’t it?
As adults, we’ve learned to expect a degree of out-of-our-control change.
In work, that includes new bosses, redundancies, exits, take-overs, restructures, re-shapes and relocations.
But making deliberate, self-generated changes in our career is a whole different kettle of fish.
And it gets harder after 40. You know why…
We’ve amassed more responsibilities. More financial commitments. And more people who rely on us.
In our 40s, 50s and beyond, we’ve got more to lose.
Making changes in our work lives feels risky. Certainly riskier than it did in our 20s.
Making big changes or small tweaks in our career in our 40s, 50s and beyond is much harder than it was in our 20s.
Four major reasons why we humans find making changes in our work lives harder after 40.
1. Heavy childhood baggage.
We're all grown-ups, sure.
But, we're all also just kids travelling in adult bodies.
Unless, that is…
Unless you've done a lot of what some Americans call "work" on yourself - via therapy or personally digging around in your past to understand and repair the corners and pillars that are failing to support you today.
For the rest of us, our work-life can be a confronting place for a kid (with the body of an adult). Remember the movie BIG with Tom Hanks?
Tom Hanks in “Big”. We’re all kids in adult bodies.
We deal with big, heavy stuff at work. And the kid inside of us doesn’t like it much.
Our childhood experiences often define our reactions to work-life happenings.
And since you and each of your colleagues had vastly different childhoods, you handle work-place incidents differently.
Which of these experiences do you find toughest to deal with as an adult?
Your boss ignoring your idea or dismissing your efforts.
Lack of positive feedback from those around you.
Feisty debates.
Your colleagues talking about you behind your back.
Receiving criticism directly - constructive or otherwise.
Asking for help.
Your ideas not being given space to develop.
Being challenged in front of others for your opinions or actions.
Discussing complex emotions with your team.
Chasing perfectionism in yourself and others.
Delivering negative feedback or bad news.
Being asked to speak in public - without much notice.
Sharing that you made a mistake.
Being compared to others - favourably or unfavourably.
Being passed over for a promotion.
Feeling like you’ve disappointed a colleague/team member/boss.
A failed attempt at something new.
Some of these, you’ll take in your stride.
Some will leave you drained and exhausted.
Some might enliven and energise you.
Some might make you uncomfortable.
Some will quash you and mess with your mind.
Some may make you avoid the stuff that could help you.
Some may even activate your inner critic to press the ‘destroy’ button.
Many of these experiences will cause you to wear a mask at work. To protect the little kid within you.
That’s why, in Week Two of the learning phase of The Fierce Emporium (Career design programme) we spend time figuring out what your Kryptonite is (aka the people, the situations and the environments that totally hinder you operating at your best).
When you understand your personal Kryptonite in detail, you can then begin to design it out of your work - so that you operate at your best more often.
Here’s my personal story of the impact that discovering my Kryptonite had on my work life - in my Tedx talk. (Psst my teenaged daughter told me I was in danger of being dressed like a Christmas tree! I ignored her!)
2. The emotional hangovers from your HABITS
Most people don't realise that a huge percentage of their daily work is spent managing the emotions associated with their personal habits - and the habits of others around them.
Most of us know our less-than-desirable habits intimately.
But don't invest sustained efforts into replacing them with more effective habits - to achieve different, positive outcomes.
WARNING: Habit changing around your behaviour at work is only useful when you understand yourself deeply enough to become clear on what you want/need. Otherwise it's just random habit-making. Those habits rarely stick.
I've read a stack of books on this. The best to date is the stand-out James Clear Atomic Habits. His model of changing identity first is just crazily impactful and has helped me lose weight, lift weights and eat more protein - all things I’ve been trying to do for years before reading this book.
It's one of my top 10 book recommendations for those who are not ready to start redesigning their work-life but want to get themselves ready.
Download my Top 10 book recommendations, with 15 word reviews. Perfect if you’re not quite read to redesign your career and you’d like to get more prepared.
3. The things you're afraid of.
Most of us professionals in our 40s, 50s and 60s are afraid of very similar things.
Fear of change is a primal, instinctive fear. But not one we need to carry with us into our work-life.
We fear failure - that’s usually at the top of the list.
We fear true success - it’s not far behind on that list.
We fear being truly seen. And, guess what? We also fear not being seen for what we truly are.
We fear being listened to deeply. And crikey, we’re afraid to the core of not being heard at all.
We fear being understood. And misunderstood.
We fear losing control. And of being in total control.
We fear being excluded. And we fear really belonging and the potential loss that follows.
Tribal. Primal. Instinctive fears.
Fears that we carry into our workplaces with our laptops every day.
Becoming aware of your personalised fears is critical, if you want to make changes. You know, the ones that wake you up at 2am in the morning!
And the ones that punch you slap-bang in the chest before you do X [that thing that you hate] at work, every Wednesday.
Why is it so important to become aware of your uniquely personal fears?
A) So that you can create language around them. To see through the fog to a point of understanding.
B) So that you can then design and practise thought and behavioural habits that give you the power to become their master - not have them lead you down surprising, dark, big emotion-filled alleyways.
Which is why we focus on this in Week 5 of The Fierce Emporium learning phase.
Adrian, one of the graduates described it as the week where we "uncover hidden enemies".
4. Familiar vs UNFAMILIAR
Because of the above fears, our brains try very hard to avoid the potentially dangerous outcomes of our fears.
“Familiar” when thinking about careers is generally not a safe place to be. So we have to make friends with the “unfamiliar” in ways that reduce our natural fear. And it’s one of the most fun lessons in The Fierce Emporium.
So, without consciously meaning to, we design our lives to be familiar and safe.
Our brains encourage us to design life to be easier rather than harder. To keep us safe.
But safe isn't safe if…
you’re dulled, bored or lethargic regularly at work.
you knee-walk home at the end of too many work days.
you live your working day on alert - waiting for the next stressor to land on your desk.
you spend half your day defending your position. Or protecting your team from in-coming attacks.
you do work that doesn’t feel good when you’re doing it.
you spend too much time doing work that erodes your soul.
These behaviours and results might be familiar. But they’re definitely NOT safe.
So in week three of the learning phase of The Fierce Emporium - we start playing with the idea of making the familiar unfamiliar.
We play with the concept and then put it into practice intensively for a week and share our often-ridiculous stories. It’s the week with the most laughter.
Here’s a story of how deleting my familiar was a very fun and transformational experience.
Hang on…some people love to shake up life by stepping into their unfamiliar?
Of course, many of us choose to challenge the familiar in one area of life at a time: -
with big physical challenges (marathon running or Wim Hof ice-bathing),
learning challenges (Duolingo Spanish or piano lessons) or
relationship challenges (setting out on a quest to find a new partner).
These niche elective changes gift us with
a little frisson of purpose.
a petit jolt of aliveness.
a spark of non-dangerous difference-making.
But it takes much more courage to point change at a bigger area of life.
It's not surprising that we feel resistance to making changes after 40 to the 8+ hrs we spend working.
Change management - that’s a thing now?
Change management, in recent years, has become a skill you can add to your Linkedin profile.
It’s also become a discipline in itself!
But because humans are at the core of change management programmes - it can be a tricky, thankless and uphill hike to lead big change programmes across big companies (unless it’s one of your Superpowers)
If you’re not leading change in our personal work situation - you’re just doing the same as you did last year, right?
And that's not a problem…if what you did last year at work was super-successful for you and for all concerned (in the wider sense of "successful" not just financial).
21st century midlife crisis…"Is this it?"
I've often been asked by journalists about my opinion of the midlife crisis for my Generation X, and even for millennials.
Here's my speedy response:
When you reach our 40s or 50s, after working in an area/discipline for a long time, you often reach a moment of self-questioning. Where you ask yourself questions like: "Is this it?" or more helpfully "Do I really want to experience the same as I did last year, next year?"
If the answer is "NO WAY!", the first step of change is deciding what exactly what you need in order to feel [Select] successful/happier/more satisfied/more relaxed/more fulfilled/more you.
That's why the very first week of the learning phase within The Fierce Emporium: One year to redesign your career programme walks you through my methods to assess your past and present.
So you can decide what you need first.
To allow you to feel the way you want/deserve to feel.
And then to nail down what you want. In bite-sized chunks.
That peel away at the fear of change - tiny onion layer by tiny onion layer.
Making changes in your work-life after 40 will always be scary - for humans.
There are ways to make change easier.
Methods that reduce the fear.
Methods that can even make change fun.
Let's decide what change you need.
And what degree of change you want.
And then start moving towards it at the speed that's right for you.
Are you ready to start?
Two ways I can help you design and implement the right change for you. And a link to book to ask questions.
The Fierce Emporium - One year career redesign programme. Online learning experience plus group coaching.
The Personalised Redesign - A one-to-one programme. Two versions - choose the level of support you want and the speed you need to get you going in a different direction. Very limited spots per year. Let’s discuss fit and availability.
Book in to talk to me. In half an hour we’ll know if we’re right for each other and based on your situation, I can recommend which programme will be the best fit for you.
