Experiments - How I gave my midlife career a fierce kiss of life.
In 2015 my midlife career was stuck - so was my midlife. Skip to the bottom of this article for a selection of experiments (and silly photos) that administered the kiss of life to my career…and midlife.
Midlife Stuck
Stuck has become a modern midlife norm…maybe it always was?
Stuck descends upon us in a fog that initially seems innocent and inert.
Later, it slithers into our veins like a languid sloth-bag, suffocating the vigour from our brains. It sucks the oomph from our hearts and often from our careers.
Later still, just at the tipping point, the moment we begin to lose ourselves, stuck SCREAMS FURIOUSLY to jolt us from our slumber with health-scares, wake-up calls, last chances and if-not-now-then-whens.
Midlife oxygen
We need oxygen to clear this fog. To create movement. To disrupt the patterns. To reveal what’s beyond the smoke-tinted glasses of the familiar. To break through the midlife swaddling blanket that can suffocate the rouge from our cheeks.
We need oxygen to to inject the necessary energy to switch off the auto-pilot mode that led us here.
We need oxygen to give us the force to do something different...anything different. Something unusual. Unfamiliar to the old us.
We crave something risky.
Something tricky.
Something we don’t know or understand...yet.
This powerful oxygen can give our midlife the kiss of life. The good news is - it’s easily accessible, exists in abundance and is a never-ending resource.
It can be entirely free…and it’s delightfully, utterly freeing.
What exactly is this midlife kiss of life?
The oxygen that offers our midlife career a life-saving kiss of life is….EXPERIMENTS.
Experiments…
Experiments provide the necessary oxygen to give your midlife career the kiss of life.
Let me explain how experiments administered a very necessary kiss of life to my midlife career…and my entire midlife.
In my research for my first book (X Change - How to torch your work treadmill), I interviewed 100 midlifers who described themselves as “happier” for making career changes after 40. The fog I described above appeared to be commonplace for a large swathe of these Gen X midlifers - like it had in my own career.
That sticky fog descended slowly over years. Slowly spoiling every area of my 20-year career, before beginning to seep into other areas of my life, draining them of their colour too.
The fog screamed so loudly one night that I decided I didn’t want to become the woman who:
felt knackered doing work that had stopped being fulfilling a few years ago.
shouts at her kids to go to sleep, before going back to work to try to feel “good enough” and/or “successful enough”.
celebrates the end of the working week like she’s just completed an iron-man.
I was an Iron-woman...of sorts…just not the kind I wanted to be.
That’s when I knew, I couldn’t let it win.
I started running - no...sprinting away from the career that had served me, my family, my ego, my wallet and my desire for status, very well for two decades.
I sprinted back to University to do a MSc Psychology.
Unsure where it would lead, I specialising in (what I like to call), “Where the hell are all the 50-year-olds in corporates disappearing to?” I knew then that I’d drawn a line under my old career. I vowed that, only if the starving wolves were at the door, would I return.
I knew that I’d work as hard as this Iron Woman could to get really good at something that mattered a great deal to me and to others.
I wanted to work hard at building a softer, more flexible iron-woman with bendy arms and legs, with a heart that worked and was tangibly connected to all the areas in my life.
This is where experiments came in.
Experiments, in the beginning
It was hard in the early days trying to teach my brain that experiments weren’t going to kill me! Fighting the gigantic failure felt like a Game of Thrones battle…until, I learned to start small.
Experiments have to be tiny in the beginning - otherwise we’ll frighten the life out of ourselves, retreating to our familiar “safe” places.
I trained my brain by keeping my experiments tiny.
To turn left rather than right…
To be observe rather than criticise…
To stand rather than sit…
To listen rather than speak…
To walk rather than run…
To heal rather than battle on…
To get to the core rather than treat the symptoms…
To ask questions rather than assume…
To ask questions of myself rather than avoid…
To curl rather than straighten…
To read slowly rather than speed-read…
To wear blue rather than black…To try Yin rather than Ashtanga…To cut my losses rather than preserve….
I protected these experiments when they were babies. Until I grew strong enough to share them.
And in the sharing the magic grew.
Our familiar is dangerous
Our brains keep us in the familiar because it feels safe. (Read more about how the brain keeps us stuck in this article).
But it was keeping me stuck - staring down the barrel of another twenty years of the familiar. I didn’t want to stay stuck.
I wanted different so I had to go out and find what type of different felt right to me. And I knew I’d have to kiss some frogs before I found what kind of different works for me.
I experimented so often, it turned into my life philosophy
The list below is only a fraction of the experiments I’ve conducted. I no longer feel that experimentation is scary. There are moments of fear, sure, but I’ve trained my brain to see different as the way forward. Different is now my life philosophy - but it still takes daily work.
I’ve trained my brain to think that there is zero possibility of failure.
Failed experiments...sure. Failed me...never.
They injected enormously enhanced possibilities in every area of my life.
Experiments freed me.
Rescued me from my first career.
Created my new career.
Experiments saved my midlife. In fact, they saved me.
They made my midlife very, very exciting. ANd a heck of a lot more fun.
Fierce Midlife Experiments - a starter list
I keep an ever-growing list of my career and life experiments since leaving corporate life behind. Here are a few to give you some ideas to get your own list started.
Just a few of the things I’ve tried in life and in work. In no particular order
Cycling around Isle of Wight on a basket-bike.
Hilarious fun. 6 friends on an adventure. Only one got sick. Only one knocked on a random door and asked for a lift to the ferry. Celebratory drinks and dinner. Marvellous views. Talking all day. I’ll always remember the appreciative cheer from real (lycra-clad) cyclists when the two basket-bike girls reached the top of a giant hill.
Around the Isle of Wight in one day on a basket-bike.
Bereavement Care training with Cruise
Easily, the most insightful learning experience of my entire life. It has impacted almost every aspect of it for the better. I discovered one of my Superpowers - talking deeply with others, about stuff that matters, to help them move forward. Invaluable investment in time and energy.
Becoming a bereavement volunteer with Cruise
The client work turned out to be the most rewarding unpaid work in my career to date. After 18 months, they wanted more time than I could give. I was unable to continue, whilst also allowing me to keep all my other life balls in the air.
Securing a guest spot for three months on BBC Radio
Nicky Patrick from BBC Radio heard about my constant midlife experiments and featured me on her Sunday evening show. It went so well I was invited along again. This turned into 5 months of 5 minute spots! She’s one of the most positive individuals I’ve ever met. When I was invited onto her new podcast. I jumped at the chance.
Investing in a coach to do a 12-week body transformation challenge
I’m not great at self-praise but when I was shown the before and after photos (that I had taken), I was gobsmacked. Then the first lockdown happened and I lost the plot with my eating and exercise habits for a while.
Co-chairing a school charity
A 3-year experiment - possibly too long to be called a true experiment. Year one: Valuable but tiring. Year 2: down-right exhausting. Year 3: I felt frustrated and bitter. The children performed “We are the champions” replacing “we” with “you” when we left. Rarely been more embarrassed in my life, but touched. A weight lifted when I resigned.
30 day hot yoga challenge
Time-consuming. Felt better. Not worth the stress of juggling work, childcare, shopping and partner time. A great deal less fun was had that month.
Climbing three French Alps in one day (only made it to two)
The hardest of my annual physical challenges date. Totally worth it for the joint-soothing cocktails after the 12 hour walk. Rediscovered that hard-earned rewards taste great.
Watercolour painting
Two sessions on a Wednesday evening via zoom. Alongside my mother-in-law and sister-in-law (taught by Lynne). Felt like a genius in the first class when we painted tulips. Felt like a 11-year-old in the following class when I painted a drunk parrot wearing a scarf (see evidence below). Not for me long term, but very memorable.
Attending an AA meeting
Accepted an invitation to celebrate a close friend’s one year of sobriety by attending a meeting. What an honour to witness so many humans being powerfully vulnerable, supporting each other whilst trying to make positive changes in their own lives (and others’), one hour at a time.
Investing in a 100,000 mile service for my body
10 sessions with one of only a few advanced certified Rolfers in UK. Keith Graham freed up bits of my body that have felt tight for as long as I can remember. I walk taller and more freely, breathe better and feel younger. I’ll never visit a physio again - Keith can just look at my body and see what’s wrong. Also, he’s a midlife career changer so I’ll be featuring him soon.
Visiting to Beach Box Sauna, Brighton on a damp October day
Stuck in a private sauna on Brighton Beach. 4 good friends, face masks, body scrubs and endless giggles and chatter about stuff that matters - what’s not to love? I’ll be talking about this one for years to come.
Winter cold water swimming (no wetsuit) in Frensham Pond, Surrey
We might be smiling but our feet are ice blocks. The swimming hats make it out for another season.
Feet like blocks of ice. Brain screaming at me to get the hell out of there - IMMEDIATELY! Mind over matter followed by a whoosh of wellness that has found me addicted to cold water swimming with friends. This ignited what I hope will be a life-long love of lake swimming and has inspired a few new midlife dreams.
Heavenly, hazy summer day. All alone (with lots of other swimmers). Doing something just for me, in London. Trained for ages in a chlorinated pool to be fit enough. Started at the back of the pack in my £50 surfing wetsuit and a 73 year old lady. It felt like my kind of meditation when I found my rhythm. Didn’t notice or care where I finished. Grinned from ear to ear all day.
With a friend this time. Hardly anyone there. Drizzly day, but when we stepped in the Thames, the sun broke through. Street-food lunch, great coffee and lots of chatty self-congratulations. A rare treat.
Heavenly, hazy summer day. All alone (with lots of other swimmers). Doing something just for me, in London. Trained for ages in a chlorinated pool to be fit enough. Started at the back of the pack in my £50 surfing wetsuit and a 73 year old lady. It felt like my kind of meditation when I found my rhythm. Didn’t notice or care where I finished. Grinned from ear to ear all day.
With a friend this time. Hardly anyone there. Drizzly day, but when we stepped in the Thames, the sun broke through. Street-food lunch, great coffee and lots of chatty self-congratulations. A rare treat.
A night swim and regular swims with friends in gorgeous lakes, like Quay Swim in Mytchett, Divers Cove in Godstone and Shepperton Lake
We look dead chuffed with ourselves don’t we? I might go as far as to say smug!
Divine evening swim with glow sticks. Friday nights in Summer transformed. Outdoor swimmers are some of the kindest, friendliest, least judgemental humans I’ve come across. Delighted to be one of their tribe.
I started a blog when no-one was reading it. Now, quite a few people read it. Some say they quite like it. It’s where I experiment with writing articles like this. Articles about career, life and midlife. I aim to improve every time I write and I’d like to keep learning how to write better…until I die. It’s a joy I’d never have discovered, if I hadn’t began experimenting.
Volunteer support in a local anxiety and depression group
Learned so much and got so much insight into the very valuable, but painful and repetitive nature of this work. When a few things went topsy-turvy in my family, I didn’t have the inner resources to keep volunteering. Gained new levels of deep respect for volunteers and paid workers in this field.
Paddle-boarding in Shoreham and Lancing
Friend with a paddle board. Hours in the sea, talking, swimming, paddling, playing in the early evenings as we had the sea to ourselves. I couldn’t stand up. But made everyone laugh trying. Blissfully happy hours.
Click the image to have a listen to my first ever podcast guest spot.
Pitching, and becoming, a guest on a podcast
My first ever guest spot was with the great interviewer Michelle Reeves. She made me feel really comfortable and let me do my thing. One of the most energising experiences I’ve ever had, so I’ve gone on to be a guest on loads of podcasts.
Yin Yoga - the really slow kind
Slow yoga poses held for up to 5-7 minutes each. Painful at first for mind and body, but worth the investment for bendier, calmer, taller and younger body and mind.
Learning to cross-country ski in Northern Norway
Life-changing. Train ride passed frozen lakes. The hardest new learning experience for years. The serene 25k jaunt on the third day, in minus 12 degrees brought calm joy into my life in a way that I want to keep. Gutsy Girls organised it superbly. I want to be doing this when I’m 80.
Gong bath (a sound experience)
Lockdown messed with this in-person experiment - but did it lying on my bed. Weird but nice.
Forest bathing
10 minutes standing in the local Arboretum. Used all my senses to hear the trees, touch the trees, listen to the birds and wind while breathing in the scent. Oddly, I could almost sense my batteries recharging. Felt a bit silly, so cut it short. Will do again in a more private setting.
Ballet
Signed to for a 35 minute beginners BarreCore on Zoom. Just three minutes in, my thighs were screaming for mercy! Resisted the urge stop at least ten times. Vowed never again. Until I noticed some postural changes while brushing my teeth the next morning. Still think Pilates with Keiran will do the same job but in a much less dull way.
I choose the smelliest roses available from David Austin and let my nose and eyes fall in love every day.
28 Day challenge to learn to handstand
I can throw myself up into a one-second hand-stand like most 9 year olds - but this took some doing. Sore wrists, bulging red face, but very satisfying mood-changer.
Hypnosis for sleep
I feel like a half-human without sleep. Anytime I wake up in the middle of the night, I pop the earphones in and slip back to sleep in minutes. My first one was this.
Growing roses
I prefer flowers that are still growing to cut flowers. I’m often found stopping to smell the roses in front gardens. Decided in my 48th year that I’d choose two strong smelling rose bushes and plant them in my own front garden. That summer the neighbours much have thought I was a looney-tune as I stopped to smell them every single time I arrived home.
Volunteering with my daughter at local running races
OMG. The joy. We were placed at the finishing line giving out medals, water and goodies. Witnessed the depth of human motivation, from runners in their 80s, to first time 10k-ers and visually impaired marathon-ers. So inspiring I signed up to do the Couch to 5k after a foot injury has stopped me running for about a decade.
Sunrise walk somewhere new
Got lost. Stayed lost. Ended up clambering (illegally) through gorgeous Sussex back gardens and fields at 6am. All to catch a 1-minute glimpse of sunrise. Through woods. Carrying my friend’s dogs over gates. Giggled most of the way. Finally found way back to the car via a little coffee-shop and a great chat.
Soda bread baking with friends - beats catching up in a coffee shop!
Soda bread making with a good friend
A friend and a spare hour. Two baking stations in my kitchen. Chatting, mixing and choosing flavours - the cheesy one was the winner. Will definitely repeat. Beats going to a coffee shop to catch up.
Co-creating #lunchwithfriends with this crazy-funny group every Tuesday for three months in the very first lockdown. We got up to 25 lunch guests playing games, telling stories and mostly laughing at ourselves. I’m smiling thinking about it while I write. A HUGE upside to lockdown.
Co-created a “chat show” style entertainment show during lockdown called #lunchwithfriends
So much fun was had over the 12 weeks with group of six irreverent authors and up to 25 attendees each week. New friendships were made. Stories were shared that mostly made us laugh and occasionally brought us to tears. Powerful vulnerability was in action every, single week as we poked fun at ourselves.
Making a website in 14 evenings for free
Co-founders of The Gin Kitchen whose career change story features in my book. They made me the best Gin ever in their gorgeous new on-site bar - it included sage!
I signed up to Squarespace and watched a tonne of videos on how to create your own website and then…did it. Learning this has meant I’m in complete control of my website, giving me freedom to do it my way. Made me feel creative for the first time in a long time. Techie husband was astounded.
Securing a publisher for my first book
When I was doing research which turned into my book, two people in a row said “You’ve got to speak to Richard Hagen”. Despite plans to self-publish, I called him. 2 weeks later, I started the very challenging, creative process of writing my first book - with a publisher behind me. My first book is one of the proudest achievements of my life. It also allowed me to initiate a relationship that finds us collaborating again to create my first online training career overhaul experience.
A personalised sound bath experience
Led by a friend who is a Leadership coach who is adding the sound bath experience to her client work. A one-to-one experience blew my mind and I think Mel is really onto something here to help her clients move faster and get out of their own way. At worst, I felt amazing and slept like a new borne baby for three nights. Check out her work here.
Cycling 100k in the Tour of Cambridgeshire
Painfully long, dull, flat ground. They ran out of water. When I arrived at the first station and discovered this, I just cried. Decided never to do a lycra-clad race again.
A Sunday morning dip in the Ladies Pool in Hampstead & gorgeous brunch in Highbury
It felt super-special to get cold and wet, then warm and dry. Over brunch in Highbury, we decided to create two triathlon teams. But I also witnessed my good friend have a panic attack, but I didn’t realise it. Have learned more about panic attacks since then.
Being part of two triathlon teams to compete in the Windsor Team Triathlon
An excited bunch of new triathletes made two teams and started training hard. Then lockdown happened. The challenge disappeared. Surprised by how disappointed we all were. We’ll be back.
Creating my first ever vision board
My first vision-board - how lovely to spend many hours one Saturday thinking about me and my next 12 adventures in the upcoming 12 months.
After putting some natural scepticism behind me, I attended a vision-board workshop held by Lara at The Motivation Clinic.
It put my year on a different trajectory. Was delightful to spend a few hours exclusively thinking about…me.
Making thirty, 60-second videos for Midlife Unstuck, within 3 weeks
I was afraid of being on video so I avoided ever doing them. Surprise surprise, I never got any better! Then I joined one of Andrew & Pete’s sprint challenges, where you try to do 6 months work in 3 weeks. I decided to try to lose my fear of being on video. I designed, scripted, recorded, edited and published 30 short videos in 3 weeks. Here’s some of them. Now that I’m not longer afraid. I can focus on improving.
Making silly videos that can be turned into promotion videos
A million miles out of my comfort zone! To create the best career overhaul programme in the world, I wasn’t going to be able to stay in my safe, familiar zone. Check them out here and here.
Creating an experimental Midlife Unstuck Youtube channel
It’s a total work-in-progress.
Joining a small business community to learn how to grow my small business
When I got serious about growing my business I knew I couldn’t do it alone. Say hello to Andrew and Pete, I (eventually) joined their ATOMIC growth programme for small businesses for £1. It’s the best pound I’ve ever spent. I then spent a year working with them one-to-one. Find out more.
Co-creating my first on-line career transformation experience
The Fierce Emporium is the perfect programme for stuck midlifers. They know they need to change, but are unsure what NEEDS to change, or HOW to do so. They know they don’t want to do it alone. It’s my favourite creation so far. I had the joy of working for the second time with world-class artist Martyn Pentecost and talented educator and editor Richard Hagen from mPowr Publishing.
Amazing hand-drawn designs for my first ever group and online career overhaul programme, The Fierce Emporium. They were created by Martyn Pentecost of mPowr Publishing.
A 12-pub pub crawl in Guildford
Only made it to six pubs. Interesting idea. One pub…one drink…chat with new friends en route to the next pub…REPEAT. A revelation in scintillating, diverse conversations. Best night out for years.
Betty Crocker birthday cakes
I’m not a baker, but have wasted days making complicated birthday cakes for my daughters and trying to feel like one of those “really good mums”. They enjoyed Betty Crocker brownies and ice-cream recently. Much easier and successful than years gone. PLUS, I wasn’t a grumpy, sweaty wreck!
Creating a new character to help me train in my career overhaul experience
Learning how to design the next chapter of your career doesn’t have to be dull. Meet my training partner, Loochia. She’s the Personal Shopper in The Fierce Emporium, my bespoke online career overhaul programme. Bringing her to life took plenty of bravery - and (sssh) maybe a gin or three.
The bravest thing I’ve ever done in my business career. I created a light-hearted personal shopper character to assist the students through The Fierce Emporium and the psychological concepts included. I had help from the wonderful Emma Shoe who is an actual personal stylist. Many ‘medicinal gins’ were imbibed before I recorded the first test video and sent it to the publishers. If it ever gets into the world, I might die. Check out the photos below. Thanks to Emma at Styling You Well for helping me pull some ideas together and source items in lockdown.
Signing up to a Team Half-ironman.
Crikey, my world has gone mad. But I’ve signed up a one part of a team who will compete as a team in Cascais, Portugal end of 2024. Honestly, some people think I’ve lost the plot. But I encouraged two other first-timers to come on this experiment with me.
Weight-lifting.
After reading lots about bone density and the need to become strong in order to grow old, I took up weight-training. And, weirdly, I love it. More than a year in I can squat my own body weight, have lost weight and feel stronger and younger. Who’d have thought it?
Hiring a sauna on a beach with friends. And again with one of my daughters.
Joyful, joyful, joyful. Face masks. Body scrubs. Aromatherapy oils. A dip in the ocean to cool off. Chatting all the time. So good, I took my daughter once and had the most magnificent day, booked into a hotel that night and bonded for 24hrs. I saw the best side of her teenage self. And I hope she saw the best side of my 50 year old self.
Doing a Tedx talk
So it appears that my bravery is increasing as the years go on. I ended up doing a Tedx talk. I’m not a natural on stage. What was I thinking?! I mucked up the dress rehearsal, forgot my place twice and my confidence in my talk crumbled. I got feedback that I needed to tell my story. And after walking home with my head hung low, I stopped at the Brazilian Cafe at the end of my road, ate a horrible vegan carrot cake and binned the talk. Yet again questioning my sanity, I re-wrote the whole talk a few weeks before the live session and put my heart and soul into remembering it. I turned 50 a few weeks before I went on stage. It wasn’t anywhere near perfect, but I’m still celebrating my bravery and trying to be kind to myself.
Where will this all end?
Honestly, I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m truly excited about the future of both my midlife and my midlife career.
If I’m lucky enough to make it to 81 or 93 or 101, I’ll still be experimenting. Why? Because my experiments are changing my life for the better, every week. I can’t say that about many things!
Experiments offered a very necessary kiss of life to my midlife and midlife career.
They moved me from stuck to unstuck…then led to me discovering my own version of fierce.
DESIGN THE NEXT DECADE OF YOUR CAREER TO THE MOST ENJOYABLE DECADE EVER.
We can do this in two ways
The Fierce Emporium - DIY with Group Support.
The Personalised Redesign - You. Me. Designing your next decade. Moving as fast as you want.
