Kiss goodbye to these 32 things - if you want to design more satisfying work in your 40s or 50s
In this article, you’ll learn the thought and behaviour patterns that hinder individuals in their 40s and 50s, who want to design their work in a way that makes it feel more satisfying, fulfilling, and enjoyable.
Sometimes we are our own worst enemies when it comes to wanting to change career. We often feel unable to make it happen. By the time we've reached our 40s of 50s, some of our patterns have become a little...ingrained.
Some of these thought and behaviour patterns are so ingrained in us, they’ve become subconscious choices.
I’ve learnt a great deal about what keeps us stuck and what frees us. I interviewed 100+ midlife professionals who’ve designed work that feels and fits better (for my first book) and have since worked with hundreds more.
The patterns that keep us stuck
The following thought and behaviour patterns seem to hinder individuals making positive, changes, keeping them from designing work that feels deeply satisfying.
Let me start by saying that I have experienced every single one of these hindrances in my own career change journey. I still battle with some of them, some of the time. But, I used to be stuck with all of them, all of the time. There is hope.
Mind games
1. Thinking you’re alone
Somewhere in our 40s or 50s, ALL of us pause for a moment of reflection. Pretty bloody often, what we see and feel happening in our lives isn’t what we expected or hoped for.
The first autobiography I ever read, about 30 years ago, was Bob Geldof’s “Is that it?”. That’s the question I woke up asking myself, specifically about my career, for a couple of years towards the end of my corporate life. That is, before I decided to do something about it.
My own perspective (which was featured in The Guardian and Telegraph in UK) is that our entire generation (Generation X) experiences the midlife crisis point…usually in the form of a midlife career crisis - Read more here. So, what I know for sure, is that you are definitely not alone.
2. Believing you can keep doing what you’re doing, for as long as you want, even after 40
Change is a comin’. If you’re at, beyond, or heading towards 50 (check out my 50 year old toast article) and are still working in a corporate, have a little look around…
Experiment: Actually count on your fingers how many post 50 year olds there are in the company. Now ask yourself, which of their jobs would you love to do, and which might you have a crack at getting? If you have more than 5 fingers up - carry on as you were. If you have less than 5 fingers up, something needs to change.
If there are more than five 50+ year olds in your business, which job would you love to have, and do you have a decent chance of getting? If you’re reading this, there’s likely very few, if not zero. If not, something needs to change.
3. Negative self-chatter
Your thoughts have the power to keep you stuck, or to free you. But these thought patterns are often stuck in our past. Of course, we are solely in charge of our own thoughts, yet we don’t always take control in the most helpful way.
We all have two gremlins who sit on each shoulder, EVERY SINGLE minute of EVERY SINGLE day. One keeps us safe (“Don’t eat the poisonous berries!”) and prefers us to stay exactly where we are because it seems safer (“You’re not ready, you’re not good enough at X etc”). Even tiny changes can seem dangerous to this fear-inducing gremlin.
Experiment: If you’ve been letting that negative putter-downer of a gremlin rule your thoughts, consider nourishing your positive cheerleading gremlin. Do this once an hour for the next day or two, in the form of some positive, gentle, kind internal encouragement. You can’t tell the negative gremlin to shut up, that just makes it scream louder. By continually feeding our cheerleading gremlin, we can out-wit and over-power our negative gremlin.
5. The idea of perfection
Perfection does not exist. But the idea of it cripples us, and crushes the potential from our lives.
If we are constantly growing, learning and putting something out into the world that matters today, it’ll never be good enough tomorrow. What’s the alternative? We could choose to do nothing different. To produce nothing of value. To learn nothing. To try nothing new. We could stand still and stagnate. It’s a choice. We get to choose.
The idea of perfection is simply an idea in the inner chambers of your own mind. It’s a puff of air between your ears. Yet, it takes a great deal of inner work for you to believe it doesn’t exist.
Hint: Until then, pretend.
6. Waiting for [X] to happen before we’re happy
Happy exists only in the present. Happy can be a memory in the past. But it doesn’t exist in the future. It’s something we feel right now. This exact moment.
Happiness is available in your head. This very second. Now.
Experiment: Try feeling happy in this very second because you can breathe easily? Then list all the other things that you get to do without choosing. Then list all the things you get to choose to do.
Now...if you are not happy at this precise moment regarding your current work situation, what can you decide to do, in the next 60 seconds to change that? No need to finish this article, take one tiny step. Right now. To change your situation. Book in to talk to me.
7. Not being clear what you want to be remembered for
You get to decide what you want to be remembered for - in your work and in your life. It sure as hell isn’t going to be “I watched 42 series of Game of Thrones” (or whatever everyday distraction floats your boat). Are you prepared to go digging for the answer?
Hint: Think of one little thing you’d like to be remembered for. Just one.
8. Thinking that you can never change
I refer you to point X. You control your thoughts. Your thoughts also control you. By deciding what to think, you can change your actions. These actions can change your belief in what’s possible. This can change your career. This can change your world.
Hint: Try this phrase on for size “I don’t know how to change yet, but I’m going to find out”. You’re potential is limitless.
9. Believing you’re right
We’re all right. And we’re all wrong. It depends on your viewpoint.
Curiosity is going to be way more valuable to you in your quest to do more satisfying work, than the security of believing you’re right. It can be a safe, yet lonely, place being right.
Experiment: Try deleting the word “I” from your conversations for one day. It’s very hard. Yet very telling.
Time eaters
10. Every day distracting habits that stop you thinking about more important stuff…Facebook, Netflix, WhatsApp, Instagram
The average person in the Western world lives for 1000 months. We all have the same 24 hour days.
Once you’ve decided what it is that you want to be remembered for, you then get to decide how you spend your free hours. Do you invest your spare hours in learning something new, making new connections and creating pieces of work that could fill you up with deep satisfaction? Or...do you click play…next episode?
Hint: Work out how many of your 1000 months you have already lived. I’ve lived 588 months. I’ve got a great deal to do, in very little time.
The average person lives 1000 months. How many have you lived?
11. Social media notifications
Are you kidding me? You still allow noisy notifications to interrupt your thoughts, every minute of the day?
We humans need to think to ah...think. To live well. To progress. To thrive. To choose. To decide. But, some of us can’t even have a conversation with another human (whom we cherish) without being interrupted by a noisy tweet from some random, or a LinkedIn request that makes us feel popular...but, makes the person we cherish feel less than cherished.
Experiment: Turn off notifications on one of your social media channels for one day. Then assess the fallout.
12. Comparison to others
Are you comparing your internal life to someone else’s external life? Welcome to our social media obsession. (Alert Celtic feist approaching…) It’s all bollocks!
Nothing is as it seems. Only a rare few individuals share their internal life with the outside world. The rest filter their life through a distorted lens of complex personality, values, status aspirations and caring what others think. Find a way that works for you that lessens the impact of this nonsensical comparison to you personally.
13. Locking in 60 minute meetings as standard
Question: How long does it take to make a decision?
Answer: As long as you allocate to it. How about a standardised 23 minute meeting in your diary?
Experiment: Shorten the standard meeting length by 15 minutes in your diary.
14. In-person coffee meetings without a clear, specific upfront, mutually-agreed goal
Putting a face to a name? Picking your brains? Get your steer on something? Your time is ultra-valuable. Driving to the location, finding the coffee venue, pleasantries etc - in this new world, that seems like a ridiculous use of time. If you have that much spare time, why not spend it with your partner, kids, going for a run, learning something new that will help you in your goal of designing work that fits, and feels, better.
Physical and mental blockers
Designing work that you love for a very long time takes mental energy. You don’t need to be at your best, but you can’t be at shadow of yourself.
15. Being too busy to exercise
We’re too old NOT to exercise several times a week - things start to seize up…and size up! Exercise changes the way we feel...for the better.
16. Poor, or not enough, sleep
Very few of us sleep well enough to give our brains the energy, clarity and power to do the trickier things in life well.
Hint: If you don’t know how to improve your sleep - one of my new clients rates the advice he got here.
17. Inadequate breathing
We breathe c24000 times a day. By improving each of those breaths (or even some of them) we fuel up our brains. This allows us to deal with the stresses of life much better than the shallow breathing that fuels most of us. I’ve been working on this for quite some time. I still find myself shallow breathing when I’m busy, stressed, or emotionally drained.
HINT: There are lots of TED talks on the power of breathing - this one has some practical exercises on water, whisky and coffee breathing which are quite memorable.
Ignoring learning opportunities
18. Not asking yourself the “Why?” questions
Almost as important as the “Why not?” questions - pointed at yourself. Why am I in the same place as I was 2 years ago? Why have I not figured out how to get moving in a different direction? This one is like a dagger in my own heart. I wasted 2 or 3 years feeling trapped in work that wasn’t satisfying any more, NOT asking why questions. Hint: Download Questions worth asking
Download this very short book with the 5 questions I believe to be very valuable if you’re feeling stuck somewhere you don’t want to be forever.
19. Not knowing how you specifically spend your hard-earned cash
Ignorance is bliss, isn’t it? Even if you don’t need to watch the pennies, I know lots of people who spent £5000pa on their commuter train ticket, £10,000pa on lunches and drinks after work, and another few grand on cycling kit, spa retreats, nice clothes, not to mention the expensive new extension or kitchen. All of that is totally fine and dandy, as long as you are sure you can earn your current salary for as long as you want to.
Hints: Fired after 50 and a true story about how a change in attitude to money can be freeing
20. Sticking with your old peer group
If you know no-one who has changed career, or is trying out new things in life or work, FIND THEM.
It’s impossible for us to travel somewhere new while staying in the same place. We old dogs need new tricks in order to change careers successfully. It’s necessary to find some new mates who have either learned the tricks that we need to learn, or find a new peer group who want to go through a similar change process.
When I was doing this while still in working in my previous career, I spent my commute filling my ears with podcasts created by people I respect, or find inspiring, and made them my virtual peer group, until I found my new clan.
Hint: Ted Talks are an amazing source of inspiration.
Success-limiting behaviours
21. Having the same skills tomorrow as you have today
Sadly, you will not be paid well to do what you learned 5 years ago...or 25 years ago, in the future.
If you’ve not been on a training course, done any self-selected online courses, spent time with a (amazing career) coach, or got your kids to teach you something new in the last 6 months - oh boy! Start today. Now.
By beginning today and repeating this tomorrow and tomorrow’s tomorrow, you’ll turn this into a habit that will transform your skills and confidence in your ability to change in a very short space of time.
HINT: Learn something tiny and new today...anything. There are endless courses on Udemy, Teachable. LinkedIn learning usually offers a free trial month. YouTube is a fantastic place to start learning almost anything.
22. Taking the same route on your dog walk/commute every day
Change is considered as dangerous in our brain (see this article for more details). Career change is considered in the brain as VERY DANGEROUS. We can train the brain NOT to be afraid of change and then embrace it. Start small with tiny changes - turning left instead of right on your daily dog walk/commute. This proves to the brain that change isn’t dangerous. Then sit in a different chair to watch a good movie (this made my brain melt). Then drink your morning cuppa with your opposite hand. It takes effort and a little time to convince your brain that different is good.
Whether you want to make tweaks or leaps in your career, you’ll need this adaptability.
Experiment: Swap your favourite chair this evening, see how it feels.
23. Buying books without listening to the author speak
How many business books have we all got piled up by our beds or on our devices - unread? If only we’d heard the author speak about the book, we’d learn whether we want or need to invest time into buying or reading their book. All authors I know promote their books via tours, talks or podcasts (here’s one of mine). Sometimes a 30 minute podcast can give you everything you want and you only need to buy the book if you want to go deeper.
Hint: Listen to one of these podcasts (Ideal Life Design or Is your corporate career toasting you?) to help you decide whether or not to buy my book.
24. Finishing books you’re not enjoying
If you’re struggling to finish a book, there’s no need to ever finish it. If it’s not written in a way that connects with you, or isn’t as interesting as you’d hoped, leave it. Your time is too precious to waste.
Hint: Decide which books you’re not going to finish today.
25. Sticking with the same peer group
If you know no-one who has changed career, or is trying out new things in life or work, now is the time to seek them out.
We can’t go somewhere new while staying in the same place. We old dogs need new tricks in order to change careers successfully. So find some new mates who have either learned the tricks that you need to learn, or find a new peer group who want to go through a similar change process. Start off by filling your ears with podcasts by people who inspire you. Make them your virtual peer group until you find your new clan closer to home.
26. Multitasking
Our brain can’t multitask, it just switches between tasks - this expends unnecessary energy. So, if you write an email, then do a client call, then start that clever report, then update that important excel spreadsheet, then take a call from a new client, then go back to that clever report to find where you left off, you’ve just used WAY more brainpower and time than you would have by batching all your emails, client calls and clever report creating together.
By batching similar activities together, you conserve more of your energy for you at the end of the day. You can have more fun with people you love. Seems like a no brainer.
Failure-inducing habits
27. Saying “Yes” to things immediately
Wait at least one hour before saying “Yes” to any request. “Let me just check my diary and get right back to you” is a catch-all response. Only if it is important to you and fits with your time availability do you say yes. If it’s important to you and doesn’t fit to your time availability, say “Yes but only if…”
Experiment: Don’t say “Yes” immediately to any requests today. You’ll be surprised how many just disappear.
Waiting for one hour before saying “Yes” or “No” to any request will save you days and weeks of your life.
28. Talking negatively about other people
When you’re spending your spare moments learning something new, appreciating new perspectives and getting down-right curious about the future of your work, you haven’t got time for this one. Eyes on the prize.
29. Listening to anyone talking negatively about other people
Your time is too valuable to be surrounding yourself with these time-wasters. Is your peer group helping or hindering you?
30. Complaining
It’s kind of tricky to learn, grow or develop when you are complaining? Precious time, wasted. If the thing you find yourself complaining about is important enough to you, offer to fix it. If it’s not, move on.
31. Expecting people to help you without helping them first
What did our mums always tell us…we need to give before we receive? I see so many people who want to break into new industries or new fields who expect others to open some doors for them - so they start asking for help. It might be just me, but isn’t it bloody rude to ask someone for help, without helping them first?
What if you don’t know how to help them? Get your thinking cap on and start researching. Have they posted something on LinkedIn that you could comment on positively to keep the conversation going? What assistance or support are they asking the world for, and how can you help them get what they need? If they’ve written a book, read it and publish a short review. Email them with a screen shot of the review and believe me, they’ll be happy to help you - no matter how successful they are.
Oh, and when someone does help you, tell the world about them. It’s the least you can do.
32. Long commutes every day
If you're still reading, you’ll see that a core tenet of the Midlife Unstuck philosophy - that life’s too short to waste. I speak to several professionals a day who either spend, or have spent, a couple of hours commuting each day. That’s a big portion of your waking hours to do something that isn’t deeply satisfying. Is there a way to work from home a couple of days a week, giving you four hours of your life back? If you had those four hours of your life back and weren’t doing work that is deeply satisfying, would you spend them doing more of the same style of work? Or would you use those four hours to design a better work future and a cracking Plan B?
No time like the present…
If you’d like a partner-in-design to help you overhaul your career so that it fits and feels better, book in now for a 30minute conversation about you and your career.
If I have a programme that fits with your situation, I’ll tell you about it. If not, I’ll give you a couple of two personalised recommendations to kick start your career overhaul.
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