What If You Stopped Working Against Yourself?
Enjoying your work isn't necessarily about becoming better at everything. Sometimes it starts with understanding how you work best: knowing what comes naturally to you, recognizing the situations that bring out your worst, giving yourself permission to experiment, and learning not to turn every wrong move into evidence that you've failed.
Those are some of the things Jay doesn't want to forget after his work with Lucia Knight. Together, they have changed the way he thinks about himself at work—and created a picture of a future that feels lighter, more enjoyable and sustainable for the long term.
How Do You Stop Working Against Yourself at Work?
For Jay, the shift wasn't about finding one perfect answer about what to do next. It came from understanding himself better.
He learned to recognize his Superpowers without dismissing them simply because they came easily. He became clearer about his Kryptonite without treating difficult situations as evidence that he was incompetent. He started approaching decisions as experiments rather than permanent commitments. And he began to see how much energy his inner critic had been consuming.
Together, those changes gave him more room to make decisions based on how he actually works best.
Know Your Superpowers—and Your Kryptonite
One of Jay's biggest realizations was understanding exactly what he does well.
Some of his strengths feel so natural that he hadn't necessarily recognized them as strengths at all.
As Jay puts it, some things are so comfortable that:
“I don't realize that's a unique thing that not everyone can do.”
But the other side of that self-knowledge has been just as important.
There are situations he doesn't handle particularly well. Instead of using those moments as evidence that he's incompetent or failing, Jay can now recognize them for what they are: situations that are simply difficult for him.
That distinction gives him choices.
He can think about how to handle those situations differently. He can prepare for them. He can put parameters around them. And, where possible, he can minimize how often they appear in his working life.
It isn't about becoming brilliant at everything. It's about understanding yourself well enough to spend more time using your Superpowers and make conscious decisions about your Kryptonite.
Recognizing what comes naturally isn't always easy precisely because it can feel so ordinary to you. Lucia explores this idea more deeply in Use Your Superpowers Daily: 20% More Happiness at Work.
How Can You Make a Career Decision Without Knowing If It Will Work?
You don't necessarily need to know that a decision will work before you make it. An experimental approach lets you try something, see what happens and adjust based on what you learn.
For Jay, that meant letting go of some of the rigidity around making decisions.
Instead of deciding, I'm going to do this and I have to keep doing it, he can approach something new with a different mindset:
“I'm gonna try this out and see what happens.”
Calling it an experiment changes what happens if the outcome isn't what he hoped for.
The conclusion no longer has to be: I'm a failure. I'm incompetent. This is bad.
It can simply be: I tried that. It didn't work.
And then he can adjust.
Jay describes experimentation as playful. It takes some of the pressure away and gives him more space to think clearly about what comes next.
For more ways to put that approach into practice, explore 43 Experiments to Help You Enjoy Work Again.
Why Do I Feel Like I'm Failing at Work?
Sometimes the feeling of failure isn't only about what happened. It comes from the meaning you attach to what happened.
Jay noticed that when something didn't produce the outcome he wanted, his inner critic could quickly turn an unsuccessful attempt into a judgment about him: You're a failure. You're incompetent. This is bad.
And that voice had a cost.
So much of Jay's energy went into dealing with his inner critic that there was less available for everything else.
He couldn't recognize his Superpowers as easily. He couldn't give himself permission to experiment. He couldn't be as brave about trying something different.
As Jay explains:
“Once I can handle that inner critic better, then it opens up energy to do everything else.”
The goal isn't necessarily to make the inner critic disappear. For Jay, the transformation is in having enough space around it that it no longer prevents him from recognizing his strengths, experimenting or changing course.
What Can Work Feel Like When You Understand Yourself Better?
For Jay, it feels positive, enjoyable and sustainable.
His inner critic can become quieter. He can experiment, adjust and change course without making every unsuccessful attempt mean something about his worth. He can recognize his Kryptonite early enough to prepare for or minimize it. And he can deliberately use more of his Superpowers.
When Lucia asks how that future feels, Jay's answer is simple:
“It feels really good. It feels really positive.”
More importantly, he says it feels like work he could do “for a very long time”—work he can enjoy and look forward to rather than something he simply has to do to check a box.
And when he describes what Joy at Work actually looks like for him, it isn't an abstract idea.
It's feeling competent. Knowing what he's doing—or knowing where to find the information or person who can help. It's making a difference and doing the right thing for the right reasons. And it's having something valuable to give back after receiving grace and guidance from others throughout his own career.
Jay hasn't discovered a formula everyone else needs to copy.
He's developed a much clearer understanding of what he needs in order to enjoy his work.
If you're still trying to figure out what your own version might look like, I'm 43 and Still Don't Know What I Want to Be When I Grow Up explores what happens when you know you want something different but don't yet know exactly what that is.
What Would Your Version of Joy at Work Look Like?
Jay didn't arrive at these answers by accident. He worked with Lucia one-to-one as well as completing The Fierce Emporium, where he did the deeper work of understanding what he needs from his future work.
Your answers won't necessarily look like Jay's. Your Superpowers will be different. So will your Kryptonite, your inner critic and the work that feels worth doing for a very long time.
But if you're ready to start figuring out what your version of Joy at Work could look like, there are three ways to work with Lucia, depending on the level of guidance and support you need.
Explore the three ways to work with Lucia
Frequently Asked Questions
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One approach is to separate the outcome of what you tried from your judgment of yourself. Jay found that treating something as an experiment allowed him to say, I tried that and it didn't work, rather than turning the result into I failed. That gave him more room to learn from what happened and change course.
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Some strengths can be difficult to recognize precisely because they feel easy. Jay realized that some of the things he found comfortable were actually abilities that not everyone shared. Paying attention to what comes naturally can help reveal strengths you may have been overlooking.
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What If You Stopped Working Against Yourself? - Jay's Story
[00:00:00] When “It Didn’t Work” Stops Meaning “I Failed”
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: It allows me to adjust and to go in different directions when the process doesn't provide the outcome that I hope for. And it also allows me the space to say, "Okay, you tried that, it didn't work," as op- as opposed to, "You're a failure. You're incompetent. This is bad," which is a space that doesn't allow me to correct course.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Hi, I'm Lucia Knight, and this is the Joy at Work podcast.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Today, I'm joined by one of my former clients, someone who, like so many of us, had a moment of, "Wait, is this what work is supposed to feel like?" And instead of brushing it off and cracking on, they paused, and they chose to design their work life differently.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: I've asked each guest to share the three most important insights they learned about their future work life that they never, ever want to forget. And these aren't just light reflections. They're the result of three, six, or 12 months of deep work together.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Let's dive in
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Jay, I am so curious. What is the first thing that you never want to forget about your future work life?
[00:01:22] Knowing Your Superpowers—and Your Kryptonite
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: The first thing would definitely be to remember my superpowers and kryptonite. Yeah, that has been such an important exercise to understand exactly what I do well, how comfortable that is to the point that I don't realize that's a unique thing that not everyone can do it. And also to recognize in that, that there are situations and events that I just don't handle well and that's not because, that's not because I'm a failure, that's not because I'm incompetent.
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: That's just because those are things that for me, those are difficult. And being able to say, for me, those are difficult, allows me the space to say, "Okay so how can I handle them? What can I do to make it easier? What do I need to do to recognize the situation, to put some parameters around it and then handle it better?"
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: So I want to remember that most importantly, if I'm going to really enjoy working as much as I would like to, then I've got to be doing the things that I do really that feel really comfortable and that's okay. And that I've got to either avoid or minimize the situations that just aren't so good for me.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Absolutely wonderful. And recognizing those, what difference does it make that you can now very easily recognize those situations where you don't operate at your best?
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: It allows me the, the space to think about how to respond to it, and it prevents me from going into such a reactive space that I put my- paint myself in a corner, in essence. That I don't feel that I'm not sounding like myself, that I am perhaps sputtering and trying to come up with an answer, whereas I really do know the answer, but I've got to have a little bit more space to think about it and be clear, or space to understand how to handle the issue better.
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: And that's really what it does for me.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Brilliant. Lovely. That's so important for everybody.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: But not everybody says that. Everybody says very different things. So that's the first thing that you always want to remember. What's the second thing that you always want to remember in your future work life?
[00:03:39] Trading Rigidity for Experimentation
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: The second thing would be allowing myself to be experimental and to get away from a certain amount of rigidity that, that comes with not being experimental.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Huh.
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: Because allowing myself to say I'm going to try this out and see what happens," commits me to the process, but it doesn't commit me to, I absolutely must do this all the time forever and ever.
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: . It allows me to adjust and to go in different directions when the process doesn't provide the outcome that I hope for. And it also allows me the space to say, "Okay, you tried that, it didn't work," as op- as opposed to, " You're a failure. You're incompetent. This is bad," which is a space that doesn't allow me to correct course.
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: It's a space that just allows me to punish myself, in essence. So by saying, "Okay, this is an experiment. We're gonna try it. We're gonna see what happens," it's playful and it allows for some, "Let's just see what happens." and it works out better. It works, it, it takes some pressure off of me and allows me to think more clearly, quite honestly.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Like win, win. And that, that's, that was so interesting that point you said about the inner story sometimes when you're not being playful and experimental and trying out new things, is that I did something and I failed.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Whereas you're saying, "The the experiment can fail, the process didn't work, the whatev-," but then you get to dance a different tune and carry on moving as opposed to this stopping heavy, "I've just failed in something." Wonderful. Wonderful. God, you've articulated that wonderfully. Okay, so what is the third and final thing that you always want to remember for the rest of your work life?
[00:05:30] Quieting the Inner Critic Frees Up Energy
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: Handling my inner critic. That is honestly because so much of my energy would go into dealing with that, that I couldn't do the other things. That I couldn't recognize my superpower, things I did well. I couldn't allow myself to be experimental. I can't allow myself to be brave enough to do these kind of things because the inner critic is too loud.
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: And once I can handle that inner critic better, then it opens up energy to do everything else. And so whether it's good, bad, or whatever, Handling that inner critic really just smooths the pathway to do everything else that I want to do.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: So it feels like in the past, your inner critic has stopped you, has sucked energy, has taken this playfulness that you have, this dance and experimentation, it's just eaten it, and you find a way to deal with that's making a difference. So whilst that's the third thing, that feels like it underpins everything forever.
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: It does. It's the most important thing, in all honesty. It's... And I have it there because it is the most important thing, because it underpins, as you said, everything else, because that, that allows everything else to happen
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Wonderful. So When you think about your future
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: And you think about a future where this inner critical voice that has been quite heavy in the past becomes lighter or quieter perhaps in a way that you can move around it. When you think about your future always in work, being experimental, yeah, every day, every week, every year, giving you a, a lightness, an, an ability to adjust course where necessary, faster, lighter. And when you think about your future work as understanding your kryptonite, noticing it, smelling it, preparing for it, and dealing with it where it needs to be or minimizing it if possible, and using your superpowers every day, How does that feel as a future for work?
[00:07:47] A Future at Work He Can Look Forward To
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: It feels really good. It feels really positive. It feels like something that I can do for a very long time, and it feels like, yeah, I can spend more time at it and enjoy it and look forward to it and not feel like, okay, something I have to do to check a box
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Gorgeous. My final question is: over our work together, you've thought a lot about what does joyful, enjoyable work look like for me. So I'm curious just if off the top of your head, you can imagine or share with me what does joy at work feel like, look like? When Jay's feeling joyful in his work, what does Jay look like?
[00:08:31] What Joy at Work Looks Like for Jay
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: I think honestly, first and foremost, I'm feeling competent. I'm feeling like I know what I'm doing, or I know where to get the information, or I know who to ask. That I feel like I'm making a difference, that I'm doing the right thing for the right reasons, and I'm making a difference in that area that that I'm working.
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: And it- it feels like I have something to provide to other people that I can give back because I'm in a space to be able to give back. I've been given a lot in my career. When I really look back at it I have been given a lot of grace in my career. I've been given a lot of guidance in my career.
Jay_Former Midlife Unstuck Client: And the opportunity at this point to be able to give that back is just an immense thing.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: I'll always remember Jay for his accent and some of his unusual sayings. He once, at the end of one of our masterclasses, described himself as, and forgive my accent, "As happy as a clam." Jay and I worked together one-to-one in addition to him joining the six-week work life makeover program called the Fierce Emporium.
Lucia Knight, CEO Midlife Unstuck: Check out the episode notes to get details of the three programs I offer, so you can choose the one that feels spot on for you.
