3 Reasons I Strongly Dislike Informational Interviews (and What to Do Instead)
The Problem With “Pick Your Brain” Meetings
Informational interviews sound harmless—but they’re often selfish, awkward, and a waste of precious time. Here are three reasons I avoid them, and the human-centred approach I recommend instead.
Ever been told to “just do some informational interviews”?
If you’re in midlife and exploring a career change, it’s likely one of the first pieces of advice you’ve heard. It sounds harmless—chat to someone in a role or industry you’re curious about, gather insight, maybe get a foot in the door.
But after years of working with midlife professionals, I can tell you that in their traditional form, I strongly dislike them. Here’s why.
1. They’re fundamentally selfish
An informational interview, as it’s usually done, is all about you—your questions, your career, your next move. The problem? Time is golden. Midlife professionals are often drowning in work, family commitments, and life’s inevitable curveballs.
Asking someone to hand over their experience without offering anything in return isn’t just poor strategy—it’s poor manners.
2. They hide a “second ask”
Too often, a request to “pick your brain” turns into “Can you introduce me to your boss?” or “Could you put in a word for me?”
It’s manipulative, clumsy, and deeply awkward—especially for kind-hearted people who hate saying no. This doesn’t just hurt the moment; it can also chip away at your personal brand and professional reputation.
3. They can distract you from the real work
It’s easy to feel like you’re making progress after an informational interview—you’ve had a conversation, you’ve taken action. But unless you’ve done the deep reflection to understand your superpowers and the problems you care about solving, you’re just spinning.
Worse, you may have wasted both your time and theirs.
What to do instead: Network like a midlife human
In my programmes, I teach a different philosophy—networking like a midlife human. It’s built on generosity and three simple assumptions:
Everyone’s drowning in work – treat their time like gold.
Everyone’s work is challenging – offer help, lightness, or relief.
Everyone has messy human stuff going on – add to their joy, or at least show empathy.
That means you give before you ask. You research before you request. You build a connection before you try to use it.
When informational interviews do work
I’m not saying never do them. But do them later—once you’ve identified your superpowers, done the reflective work, and built rapport.
When your ask is thoughtful, respectful, and human, it’s no longer a transaction. It’s a conversation between two people exchanging energy and ideas—a seed in a long-term garden of relationships.
Ready to network differently?
Explore my Networking like a midlife human class for a generosity-based approach that works in real life, not just in theory.
And if you’d like a space where we talk openly about career redesign, joy at work, and living a life well-lived,join the Midlife Unstuck Community. You’re not too old, and it’s not too late.
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Why I Strongly Dislike Informational Interviews (and What to Do Instead)
[00:00:00] Question: You aren't a fan of informational interviews. Why?
Hello and welcome to the Joy At Work podcast. I'm your host, Lucia Knight, and here's this week's question from a listener, and I'll warn you, it sounds so innocent, but it sparked a rant I didn't quite expect.
I've heard you say you're not a fan of informational interviews, especially when it comes to exploring new career paths. Can I ask why?
[00:00:24] What informational interviews are—and why they make me itchy
Hmm. Informational interviews. Now, if you've read, what color is your parachute? The original version is from the 1970s. You'll know that it popularized an idea, the idea of informational interviews as a tool to figure out career moves.
And while that book was brilliant for its time, we're now living in a different world with different humans, different demands, and much more complex relationships with work. But still, every few weeks I hear someone lovingly recommend informational interviews, and every single time it hits a nerve, not just a, Ooh, that's an annoying kind of nerve.
I'm talking torch to the Celtic Fire Fury. So today I'm leaning into that fury. Today I'm channeling my inner bold Lucia. Let's talk about why informational interviews in their traditional widely recommended form in rage me.
Let's start with a definition. An informational interview is a conversation with someone already working in a role discipline industry or company you're curious about.
So you can gather insights, build connections, and test if it's a good fit for your own next move. That sounds harmless enough, doesn't it? But even that definition makes me itchy. It's all about you, your questions, your career, your change, your decision making, and what it says, sometimes loudly, sometimes subtly, is this, I don't want to put in too much effort.
I like you to hand over your lived experience in exchange for, well, nothing. At all, really? Ugh, yuck. It's like being with a self-absorbed teenager who wants the keys to your car, your life savings, and your Spotify password, all while giving you an eye roll in return. So let's start there.
[00:02:24] Reason #1: They’re fundamentally selfish
The first reason I strongly dislike informational interviews is that they are fundamentally selfish. Yeah, I said it selfish. Not human centered, not kind, and certainly not generous. They're based on a transactional mindset. Give me your time, your insight, your knowledge, and I'll disappear into the miss afterwards.
Here's the reality for midlife professionals. The ones you are targeting for these interviews, they have no time. If they did have spare time, they'd be gifting it to a delayed project.
A daughter of school play they've missed twice. Or a team member who's just lost a parent. Time isn't a free resource. It's precious, it's golden, and asking someone to gift you their golden moments without offering anything in return. That's not just poor career strategizing, it's pure bad manners.
In my programs, we do something very different.
[00:03:32] The midlife human approach to networking
We practice a philosophy that I call networking like a midlife human. It's got generosity sewn in. And three assumptions underpin it. Number one, everyone is drowning in work, so treat their time like gold. Two, everyone's work is challenging, so offer help, lightness or relief. Three, everyone has messy human stuff going on in their real life beyond work. So add to the joy, or at very least, have empathy about the pain.
You give before you ask. You research before you request. You build a connection before you try to use it.
[00:04:18] Reason #2: The hidden “second ask” problem
Reason number two, informational interviews are often a thinly veiled request for a job, an intro or access to their world. Now, let's be very honest here, a lot of people who request informational interviews aren't just asking for insight.
They're asking for a hidden second favor, and it starts with, could I just pick your brain for a few minutes and ends up with, also, could you introduce me to your boss and maybe mention me in your next team meeting? Ugh, it's manipulative, it's clumsy, and it's deeply awkward for the person on the other end especially if they're kind-hearted and hate saying no. You've essentially turned a gift into a grab.
And it's not just bad etiquette. It's brand damage, not just personal brand. Your reputation as a human, how you show up everywhere matters. I've had this happen to me, and it feels like being sucker punched by someone you were trying to help. It's that teenager thing again, and I've already got two real teenagers in my house.
I don't need a third in a midlife body trying to sneak into my network to do more damage. My network is filled with lovely humans who would never do this to me or to anyone else, and I couldn't in good conscience. Let that happen to them.
[00:05:50] Reason #3: A distraction from the real work
Reason number three, informational interviews are often a distraction from the real work. Here's the big one, then I'll stop raging. Honestly, I'm normally a very calm celt. Informational interviews make you feel like you are making progress. Without actually doing the deep work, you come away feeling busy, like you've achieved something, maybe even clever.
You might tell someone about your great conversation with X, Y, or Z. You've had a conversation, you've taken action, but you don't actually know what you want. What your unique offering to the world is, your superpowers in my language, or which problems in the world you truly want to solve. You are still just spinning, distracted, outsourcing your decision making to other people's stories.
And here's the clincher. In my argument against informational interviews, you might have wasted someone else's golden time and your own. All because you skipped the hard but meaningful steps of figuring out who you are, what matters to you, and where you truly want to go next.
[00:07:13] When informational interviews can actually work
So am I saying never do informational interviews?
No, I'm saying don't do them badly. Don't do them early, and definitely don't do them like a lazy teenager with a LinkedIn profile.
In my experience, here's when they do work. When you've already identified your superpowers, when you've done the reflective and analytical work to understand the problems you care about solving.
When you've contributed to someone else's work by reading, commenting, showing up for them.
When you've asked for a warm introduction from someone you already know, like, and respect, after explaining exactly how much work you've done already to make the most of those potential golden moments. And when your ask is thoughtful, respectful, and human.
In those rare cases, it's not even an informational interview anymore. It's a generous mutual conversation. Two humans exchanging energy and ideas, not a transaction, a connection. A seed in a long-term garden network that has the potential to grow into a mutually beneficial relationship sapling. And that investment of both your golden moments sounds as joyful and fierce to me.
