The Surprising Secret to Being a Better Working Parent with Sarah Mundy

The Surprising Secret to Being a Better Working Parent with Sarah Mundy

Dr Sarah Mundy is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist and has worked with parents and children for over 20 years. She is also author to a series of books which support little ones (and their parents) to understand and cope with anger, separation anxiety and bedtime routines. Sarah is a firm believer in parental and child emotional wellbeing going hand-in-hand. The overwhelm of juggling it all can be huge and Sarah often sees parents putting themselves under pressure to achieve perfection - something that is unachievable. Much of her work is supporting parents to be kind to themselves and get their own lives in balance rather than just focusing on children...and this, in itself, often makes a huge difference to families. Follow her on Instagram.

Balancing a demanding job with parenting isn’t easy, and after a long day of work, switching into “present parent” mode can feel impossible. But what if taking care of yourself first was actually the key to showing up better for your kids?

In this episode, clinical psychologist and parenting expert Sarah Mundy shares real-life strategies for balancing work and family life without feeling guilty or burned out. We talk about why managing your own stress is the foundation of good parenting, how to connect with kids of different ages, and the power of repairing mistakes instead of striving for perfection.

Key Takeaways from This Episode:

✔ The most important thing kids need from you after work (it’s simpler than you think)
✔ How to transition from work mode to parent mode in just five minutes
✔ Why owning your own needs actually makes you a better parent
✔ How to handle parenting guilt without burnout
✔ The #1 factor that builds a secure, emotionally healthy child

Actionable Strategies for Working Parents:

1️⃣ Take 5 minutes to reset before walking in the door—sit in silence, breathe, or transition intentionally.
2️⃣ Identify what each child actually needs after school/work—some want to talk, some want space, and that’s okay.
3️⃣ If you need to finish a work task first, communicate it with honesty—showing intent matters more than immediate availability.
4️⃣ Don’t strive for perfection—strive for repair. If you misread a situation or snap, acknowledge it, reconnect, and move on.

Parenting isn’t about always getting it right—it’s about being present, self-aware, and creating a connection that lasts.

If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy my Life Satisfaction Assessment. It's a 30-minute program where I guide you through a deep dive into 10 areas of your life to assess what's bringing you joy and what's bringing you down. I call it Derailed and it's a fabulous place to begin a joy-at-work redesign.

• Read Transcript

  The Surprising Secret to Being a Better Working Parent with Sarah Mundy

  [00:00:00] 

  Lucia Knight: When do we ever get to sit across from a psychologist and ask them questions that might make us better parents? Well, today I did just that. Our guest today is Sarah Mundy, consultant clinical psychologist with more than 20 years experience working with parents and children. And she's the author of a series of books called Parenting Through Stories.

  Today, she shares some real practical parenting strategies for teenagers and younger kids, especially for those of us juggling demanding jobs, managing a household, maybe even supporting aging parents, as well as trying to squeeze in a little exercise, the occasional jolt of fun, and keep our stress levels in check.

  We dive into what it really means to show love to our kids. Even when time is limited and [00:01:00] why prioritizing our own sanity might just be the best parenting move we can make. Let's dive in. 

  Sarah, when we walk through the door after work, what are the critical things our children need from us to show that in our very busy lives, they are still super important? 

  Sarah Mundy: The first thing children need is a bit of connection and a bit of curiosity around how they are. And the way we do that is get ourselves in a place to be able to do that, but it's not what we really feel we can do.

  Certainly not. I, when I come home from work, I can't go straight into thinking about my children because I need to unwind. I now, before I go in the house, sit in the car for five minutes in complete silence. Because what I've noticed, particularly when I'm stressed, is that I am not available to my children when I get back and they [00:02:00] need me to be available to them.

  And each child needs a different thing. Some wants to have a chat, some want to have a snack, some want you to go away but know you're there. But they all need you to be there as present as you can. But I think given the way work is at the moment, we are very often preoccupied with it when we get in. So the first thing to do is to regulate your own nervous system.

  Get away from that preoccupation. Get away from your body being fizzy of all the things you haven't done. Put your phone down and just connect and that can be connecting in any way that's helpful. It might be a hello. It might be a high five. It might be a nice to see you. It might be a, Oh, should we have a snack?

  Some sort of routine is helpful. Some sort of something you enjoy together. Just the two of you is helpful, but if they don't want to be with you, it's just knowing you're there. 

  Lucia Knight: And is it different for teenagers versus younger kids? 

  Sarah Mundy: Children all need the same, don't they? They need to know they're loved.

  They need to know they're special. They need to know you'll be there when you need them. And they need [00:03:00] you to recognize what they need in the moment. They need you to tune in to whether they want to have a conversation, whether they don't, whether they're hungry, whether they're tired, whether they're sad.

  And quite often after school. they'll be all over the place and after school or after work we'll be all over the place. So the first thing is for us to reset ourselves, feel okay and then notice what they need. So I have a younger child who just wants to talk all about his school day and two teenagers that skulk off to their bedrooms and that's absolutely fine but they still know I'm there and I still go up and say, Would you like a snack?

  Would you like to talk about your day? Would you like a game of darts? So it's about noticing in the moment what they need. As long as you're showing connection, as long as you're showing you're available, it doesn't matter what age they are. It's just knowing you're there and knowing that you're not preoccupied with your own stuff and you actually care about what's going on for them.

  Easier said than done. Because, we're not robots. We're not blank slates. We do bring work home with us. So I think one of the key things is yes, tune into what they need, give them what they need whilst also [00:04:00] recognizing we're human and that actually, if we are preoccupied with work, if we have just got that last email to send, ideally we wouldn't do it straight away, but maybe we need to, and that's just owning it and saying, I'd love to find out about your day, but before I can relax, I just need to send this and I'm sorry.

  So it's not just stopping everything and subjugating your needs, as a mother, as a human, for your children, but it's showing intent, good intent, you want to be there, you will be there, but right now you've just got to reset yourself. You can do that together. You can go out for a walk, if they want to. It's just ways to wind down both of you.

  It's not just about them, it's about you too. 

  Lucia Knight: So almost like, put your own oxygen mask on, whatever you need, and then you'll have more to give. 

  Sarah Mundy: Yeah, that's the key to parenting. We can only be available when we are okay. If we're not okay, they notice it, however hard we try and hide it. 

  Lucia Knight: You have worked with children and parents for 20 years.

  Yeah. I just want to know, what have you learned about supporting [00:05:00] children's emotional well being whilst also staying sane as a parent and you've given some hints of that already but is there anything else that you've learned from the depths of your 20 years?

  Sarah Mundy: The good news is that they go hand in hand. If you're feeling insane, if you're all over the place, you won't be supporting your children's emotional wellbeing. So actually it's a good excuse to look after ourselves as well. There's this huge history of women being selfish if they look after themselves.

  And actually what all the evidence shows is that if. If we're together, if we find ways to cope with our own world, if we can reflect on what's going on for ourselves, make sense of who we are as people, who we are as parents, have time to unwind and be ourselves, then we're going to be much more available to children.

  And what children need emotionally is for us to be available to them, is for us to notice what's driving them. And actually the better place we are, the more able we are to notice that children are different to us. They have different needs. wishes, desires. The biggest predictor of a secure [00:06:00] attachment, which is the cornerstone of all Children's development, including emotional well being, is parents ability to mentalize.

  And that means a parent's ability to step into a child's shoes, and we can only step into their shoes. Not literally, obviously step into their emotional world. Yeah, we could only step into their emotional world if our emotional world is clear enough. If we can see the wood from the trees, because if we're stressed, we look at them in a different way.

  We interpret their behavior negatively. If we're not stressed, we can genuinely go, okay, what's going on for our child? And the key components to a secure attachment relationship are a parent being able to be playful. being able to accept what's going on for their child, to know they're not trying to be difficult or trying to be bad, they've just got things driving that, to be curious about it and to empathise with it.

  And we can only do that when we are sane enough to do that. So for me, any sort of parenting starts with looking after yourself. And the better we [00:07:00] do that, not only are we modelling good emotional wellbeing, good emotional coping, we're actually able to provide parenting that supports children to feel loved and special and noticed. 

  The other thing is there's no such thing as perfection in parenting. And the other key thing to children's emotional development is when we get it wrong, we need to lead that repair. We need to say, I'm sorry. I didn't notice you were hungry.

  I'm sorry. I was so intrusive. I wanted to talk to you and you just needed some space. We need to reconnect so children know they're lovable no matter what. Even if they're driving us up the wall.

  Lucia Knight: If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy my Life Satisfaction Assessment. It's a 30 minute program where I guide you through a deep dive into 10 areas of your life to assess what's bringing you joy and what's bringing you down. I call it Derailed. It's a fabulous place to begin a joy at work [00:08:00] redesign.